


Trapped

by Ohsoverysensible



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater, The Raven Boys
Genre: Angst, Domestic, Excessive Swearing, F/M, Fluff, Humour, M/M, Sadness, adorableness, because ronan, bluesy - Freeform, pynch - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-03
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-17 23:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5888581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohsoverysensible/pseuds/Ohsoverysensible
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is so much easier to ignore the hard truths when, after spending time together, everyone goes their separate ways. When a storm hits and keeps everyone at Monmouth, it gets difficult to keep those boundaries in tact.</p><p>Or: Everyone likes everyone and Noah gets creepy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I haven't finished Blue Lily, Lily Blue

They were all together when the rain started.

They were all together regularly, so it was unsurprising at this point. What _was_ surprising was the fact that, instead of gathering at the usual meeting grounds of Nino's, they all quietly ended up sitting around at Monmouth. After a day of forest trekking and wasting the daylight hours, both Gansey's Camaro and Ronan's massive BMW drove back in silence to the apartment as if they'd all agreed on it. It had just been natural, an unspoken destination decided on over silent links they all seemed to share.

Just as it had seemed normal for Adam to ride with Ronan, and for Blue to go with Gansey.

"Jesus, can you walk any faster?" Ronan snapped as the group made their way to Monmouth's door. Blue and Gansey were leading, strolling, and Ronan wasn't having it. The rain was already pattering down on them, leaving little marks on the shoulders of Ronan's t-shirt.

"Yeah, get inside before Ronan starts to melt," Adam said, hands in his pockets, grinning sideways at his own joke.

Ronan mocked a laugh. "Witch. Hilarious." He reached forward and gave Gansey a little shove to spur him on, indifferent to Gansey's stern look over his shoulder, and eventually everyone filed in and up the stairs.

"Ah, the smell of teenagers," Blue commented as she watched the boys waltz easily into their space. Everything was always a disaster at Monmouth, but she knew by now that it was an organized kind of chaos. At least Gansey's mess was. She was never quite sure with Ronan, and Noah didn't  _leave_ messes, he just was one.

"You're a teenager," Adam noted, finally pulling his hands from his pockets as he stood near the rain spattered window. Blue was at least grateful that he too sometimes looked like an outsider here.

"Sometimes I wonder," Ronan commented, throwing himself onto the sofa and making it impossible for anyone else to sit down. "You're as bad as that one sometimes," he said, nodding to where Gansey was already sitting at his desk.

"I take offence to being compared to an old man," Blue joked, and she actually won one of Ronan's rare smiles.

"I take offence to the entire conversation," Gansey said without turning around. His brows were furrowed over something or other, and Blue noticed his wire-frames resting on a book of maps. She liked him better when he wore his glasses for some reason. There was something more approachable about him, as if the lenses broke some magical spell cast over his face. They made him look less like a statue. He wasn't as impressive and commanding with the wire-frames, and while he probably disliked that, Blue adored it.

But  _adored_ was a strong and dangerous word.

"What do you all think?" Gainsay wondered, tilting his head from side to side. "Chinese? I feel I'm in the mood for staying in."

"I'm with you there," Adam said, looking out of the massive factory windows. "Look at that sky," he drawled.

Blue walked quietly over to stand beside him, but not too near, and looked out to the blackening horizon. The clouds had hung low and dark all day, threatening rain but never actually delivering, but now Henrietta was awash in an early darkness being dampened by drizzle. And then rain. And then lightning.

Everyone looked out of the window when the thunder rumbled, and Ronan even gave a low, appreciative whistle. "Made it back just in time," Adam noted, another flash throwing a quick glare of light across his face. Blue noted how he seemed to always look dirty, and it somehow made her feel guilty for the thought. Perhaps it was just his tan skin, but when she looked to where Gansey stood at his desk there was definitely something more  _clean_ about him. So she just felt worse.

"It's been like this all day," Noah said, materializing at Blue's elbow as if he'd always been standing there. Sometimes Blue thought he always was, and that he only let them all see him when he felt like it. Cold chills followed her around sometimes, but she comforted herself with the knowledge that it was probably just her smudgy shadow. She gave him a vague smile before looking back out the window.

Gansey stood on Noah's other side, joining the apparently transfixed group as they watched the clouds roll closer and closer, watched them get darker and darker, and counted the seconds between each bolt of lightning and each loud rumble. As the storm approached, each thunderclap got louder and stronger, and at one point Noah actually flinched.

How long they all just stood there in silence, no one was quite sure. Ronan watched over all their shoulders from his dominating spot on the couch, but he never joined the spectators. 

"I should probably get home," Blue noted after a far too long silence went by. Another flash of lightning brought an almost instant clap of thunder, and everyone just gently backed away from the window.

"At least stay for dinner," Gansey suggested. "Then someone can drive you home safely." That someone would undoubtedly by Gansey, and everyone knew it. "Chinese?" he smiled as Blue turned to meet him.

That word seemed to anger the rising storm, and the clouds opened up to pour rain down onto the town. It slapped against the windows so hard that they all stepped back again, and eyes widened as the glass became more like a liquid than a solid. The rain poured down the panes of all the little factory windows as another crash of thunder made everyone jump.

"Jesus," Ronan said, launching off the sofa at last and coming to stand by the others. Then he sighed. "We didn't fucking do this, right?"

"We didn't do anything," Gansey said.

"Contrary to popular belief, weird things aren't always our fault," Blue said, looking up and up and up to Ronan's blue eyes. He raised a brow that said he didn't quite believe her, but she turned away before they could start one of their staring contests.

"You should get Blue home," Adam said, turning to see Noah nodding along. He seemed a little oddly faded into the background, which was surprising given the energy of the storm.

"Probably want to wait this out," Gansey said after he hmm'd and huh'd at the storm outside. "The Pig may not appreciate the downpour."

"Take mine," Ronan said, uncharacteristically generous.

"I can wait it out," Blue said, looking around Monmouth and feeling as if the world had gotten steadily darker as they'd stared outside.

And then it all went black.

With one more crack of thunder, something buzzed, something clicked, and the lights went out all over Henrietta. Everyone gave a collective groan, but on a strange instinct Blue shot a hand out in the darkness, and someone took it.

"Alright," Gansey said, his voice close. Was it his hand in hers? Could anyone see it beyond the dark grey blobs the factory had become? "Sound off, everyone."

"We didn't fucking vanish," Ronan snapped. "No one even moved."

Something crashed to the floor and Adam cursed under his breath.

"Well  _I_ didn't," Ronan spoke. "Can't say the same for that idiot."

"Shut up," said Adam.

Everyone seemed close and yet far in the dark, and Blue still held that hand in hers tightly. She wasn't afraid of the dark, but lets face it she didn't like it, but she could hardly think of anyone who did. Maybe Ronan. Possibly Noah? No. Noah was gone, she could feel his absence. He probably hated the dark.

"Candles?" Blue suggested, turning to wherever she thought Gansey's face was in the room. She felt his thumb across her knuckle and silently hoped she wasn't holding Adam or Ronan. She had a feeling Gansey was the only one who would  _still_ be holding her hand, and even though it was forbidden and stupid and foolish of them, it was so dark that the rules seemed to not apply.

"Grandpa probably has some," Ronan said, making Gansey sigh.

"In my desk," he admitted a little pathetically. "Somewhere. Hold on." With that, Blue felt him release her hand after giving it a reassuring squeeze. She crossed her arms over her chest as if his absence made her cold, but she smirked a bit as she heard him stumble and swear as Adam had.

"You have a phone, man," Ronan groaned.

The next moment, a blue-white light glowed in the darkness, and Blue could make out the vague outline of Gansey at his desk. The rain still blasted against the windows, and a quick flash of lightning told Blue where everyone was relatively, but the next crack of thunder was incredibly, terrifyingly loud. Blue almost squeaked out a gasp.

Ronan produced his own cell phone and lit the rest of the group up in that eerie glow. Gansey rummaged and Ronan came to Adam's side. "You look terrifying," Adam chuckled softly as the phone lit Ronan's sharp features. Ronan turned his blue eyes to Adam with a slight glare, and Blue had to admit the ambiance made him far more unnerving. Even Adam looked a little uncomfortable under Ronan's gaze.

"Ah ha," Gansey said proudly, an 18th century explorer coming across a find. He might as well have cried  _eureka!_ He walked carefully back into the huddled group of bodies holding two tall candles and one holder. "Now. A lighter."

Everyone looked at Ronan.

"Fuck you guys," he spat. "I don't smoke."

"But you're the best bet for a fire starter," Adam said, earning another sharp-angled glare from Ronan's blue-white face.

Ronan sighed but he rolled his eyes and marched off. "I probably have something in my room," he grumbled, marching off and lighting his way with the glow of his phone.

"There may be more candles in the kitchen," Gansey said. He looked at Blue. "Where's Noah?"

She shrugged. She couldn't really feel him, but she worried about him. If the storm was spooking him, she'd much rather he show himself and be somewhat physical than maybe overreact and set the apartment ablaze. Fire and spirits, from what she saw in cheap horror films, didn't necessarily mix.  

"Don't you have flashlights?" Adam suggested, raising a brow at Gansey. Or maybe raising a brow. Blue could just hardly make out the features of Adam's elegant face.

But Gansey she could tell was smiling. He pointed at Adam by way of reply and picked his way across the room to his bed. The sound of him rummaging once more echoed through the apartment, along with another loud clap of thunder.

"You alright?" Adam asked, saddling up beside Blue as they were left together in darkness.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Blue said, hugging herself a bit tighter. It definitely felt colder.

"You seemed a little put off by the storm," Adam said softly, kindly. There was a nervousness in his tone that worried her for a moment, but even if they hadn't had  _something_ together once, Adam had a tendency to sound nervous when he was just being polite. He was a quiet person, until he wasn't. 

Blue shrugged, then recalled Adam could hardly see this and said, "It's just loud."

"Energy wise?" Adam asked softly.

Blue smirked. "Volume wise. Why? Is it loud energy wise to you?" she wondered, narrowing her eyes at his vague shape. She wished she could see his face, but before his slow inhale could form into words, Ronan tramped his way back towards them and clicked a flame into existence.

"There," he said. "Let there be light or whatever."

"See?" Adam noted. "Fire starter."

"Shut it, Parrish, I'm saving our asses," Ronan snarled, but Blue just saw Adam shake his head.

An artificial yellow light suddenly beamed across the room, followed quickly by another, whiter beam as Gansey held the flashlight's up to to his face. Blue felt it was probably impossible  _not_ to do that during a power outage. "I only have two, however," Gansey said, walking back to where everyone seemed to be congregating by the window. "Ronan?" he posed.

Ronan scoffed. "I'm not fucking Bear Grylls, I don't just have flashlights lying around."

"Even after being friends with Gansey?" Blue asked, earning another Ronan-Scoff.

"No matter, these will do fine," Gansey said, and it sounded for a moment as if he were enjoying this. He probably was, Blue realized, just another little adventure with his musketeers. He placed the flashlights on their bases at each end of the massive space, letting the beams shine up into the rafters and create something of a normal light around the apartment. It was still like a black and white photograph, everything grainy and muted, even after Ronan lit the two random candles.

He handed the one in the holder to Blue, which she was grateful for, and decided to keep the other one in his own fingers. She watched him play with the dripping wax for a moment before Adam slapped his arm and told him not to play with fire.

"I wish I knew where Noah was," Gansey said with a frown as he sat on the edge of his unmade bed.

"He's a ghost, man," Ronan pointed out, still playing with the candle even though Adam told him not to. Adam, sadly, had been suckered into watching Ronan fiddle with the thing. "This is like his shit, isn't it?"

As if by way of answer, something fell over in the kitchen/bathroom.

"None of that spooky ass bullshit!" Ronan yelled. "I swear to God, Noah, I will exorcise you!"

"Leave him alone," Adam scolded.

Blue stood up from where she'd been sitting on the floor near the model Henrietta. "I'll see if I can see him," she said, and she took herself and her candle towards the dark mini-hall.

She set the candle down on top of a messy shelf against the wall, letting it light up the small space as best it could. Everything was somehow dull and lifeless in the orange glow, and Blue had to admit she wasn't a fan of the ambiance she was creating. Candlelight, rain and thunder blaring, and she was trying to find a ghost. Noah had never been scary to her, though he had been more than a little creepy at times, but right now she actually dreaded seeing his face. The thought of her turning around to see his pale, smudgy face in hers made her stomach twist. She overthought it, his suddenness, the way she had no control over his actions or his appearances, and the fear and the dark got the better of her. This _was_ his shit, as Ronan had politely put it. 

Blue grit her teeth until she could feel it in her temples, then with a guilty conscious she couldn't take it anymore. Blue spun around, ready to practically run back to the living boys who were ragging on each other in the distance, when she slammed into a chest.

Gansey steadied her. "Jane! Whoa, what is it?"

Blue shook her head. "Sorry," she breathed. "I guess those Top Siders give you some kind of stealth," she said, forcing the humour into her tone, trying to act as if she hadn't been about to bail on a friend.

Gansey's replying grin made her chest cave in. "Somehow I doubt that's true," he said. "Are you alright? You seem a bit alarmed."

"Why, because I'm a girl?" Blue asked.

Gansey paused. She could see in his wide eyes that he was replaying his words again, trying to figure out if he'd offended her, if he'd been condescending. She felt a bit bad about that. Just a bit. "No," he finally said. "Because...well it...it's dark, and the power has gone out, and...You just seemed nervous, is what I mean."

Nervous. It was then that Blue realized how close they stood, noticed the way Gansey's hands were still wrapped around her arms. Her heart thundered, and she watched his own face drift into realization before he let her go and she pulled back. Dangerous. Foolish and dangerous and far too  _close_.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"No, it's fine," Blue lied. "Just...Well Noah's not in here, so..." She made to move past him, made to head back to where she could hear Adam and Ronan half-heartedly bickering at each other, but a hand clamped around her wrist.

Gansey pulled her, and Blue let herself spin like a rag doll into his chest once more. This time he held her. This time, it wasn't a steadying grip she felt on her arms, but a warm and needy one around her back. She could feel the palms of his hands through the thin sweater on her back, feel his chin on the top of her head. Her arms were folded between them, but she let her own fingers splay out across his polo. Foolish. Dangerous.  _Close_.

"Just..." Gansey struggled to find the words as they stood, concealed, away from it all. Stuck here, trapped here, in the dark as they were, everything felt more allowed. It felt like a small panic, a small desperate time calling for desperate measures, and Blue closed her eyes. "Just while we have a moment," Gansey finally said. "I'll just be selfish for a moment."

And then Blue felt it. It hit her like a freight train, and she unfolded her arms and wrapped them around his middle. Pressing her cheek to his shoulder, she could feel him tense with her acceptance of this momentary stupidness. She squeezed him, feeling his ribs under her arms, feeling his shoulder blades beneath her fingers. She could smell his mint. She could smell his deodorant.

Something told her to remember this. Something told her to memorize this exact feeling, the way it was to be in his arms, because one day...one day soon...

Blue shut her eyes.

"Jane," Gansey croaked out, voice low and somehow rough. "You're...You're mildly crushing me."

Blue immediately released her grip, the spell broken, the moment far away. But her eyes were damp. "Sorry," she said, trying to smile.

"I'm not necessarily complaining, but--Wait, are you crying?" Gansey realized.

Blue tucked her chin in a little further. "No." Foolish. 

A hand appeared under her chin, tentative and warm, and even with the gentle touch she couldn't resist as Gansey tilted her head back. Dangerous. Seeing the small appearance of tears there made his regal face shatter into splinters and she pouted, both from annoyance and from sadness. Gansey sighed. "It...It'll be okay," he told her. "It'll be okay."

Blue's heart skipped far too many beats. Standing in the rain with him, his head tilted close to hers like this, the both of them soaked, and Gansey's voice saying just that.  _It'll be okay._ The vision tree in Cabeswater.

"Don't say that," Blue hissed sharply, making Gansey drop his fingers. "Don't ever say that."

"Alright," he said skeptically. "Alright, I won't. I was just trying to--"

"I know," Blue sighed, pulling away. Close. Too close. "I know you were."

Gansey frowned at her in the dim light. "Blue."

She looked at him for as long as her chest could stand it, then turned on her heel and headed back to the others. It took him a little longer to follow suit.


	2. Chapter 2

It took less than a minute for Gansey to follow after Blue in her search for Noah, which didn't surprise anyone. It probably surprised Adam the least out of the two remaining boys, sitting on the floor across from one another in the half-hearted lighting. Gansey and Blue had been like this for a while now, and Adam was growing to just accept it. They had a closeness, an intimacy--if he dared use the word--that he'd never had with Blue. That maybe he'd wanted, but maybe he didn't. They were just...close. Closer than Adam felt he was to practically anyone else. Closer than he even seemed to Gansey, and definitely closer than he was to Ronan.

Or maybe Ronan saw it differently. Ronan saw Adam differently in a lot of ways, after all.

"Does that not piss you off?" Ronan asked, breaking Adam's thoughts, forcing his eyes away from the dark arch of the kitchen.

"What?" Adam asked, blinking at Ronan's sharp fave, his blue eyes. He could see Ronan's black tattoo creeping around his neck like another shadow in the room.

Ronan jutted his chin towards the dark mini-hall. "That. Them. Those two."

Adam tried to keep his face blank. "What do you mean by that?"

Ronan raised a very, incredibly skeptical brow, cocking his head to the side and having none of Adam's bullshit. "Come on. It really doesn't piss you off?"

"No," Adam said bluntly, sternly.

"No because you're Adam Parrish?" Ronan wondered. "Or no because it somehow actually doesn't."

"It doesn't, I don't care," said Adam.

"Did you ever?"

"Does it matter?"

Ronan just shrugged and looked away into the shadowy apartment. He was sitting leaned back on one arm, one knee raised, his other hand hanging loosely off his kneecap, and Adam wished he could look that composed. He was sitting with his legs crossed under him, hunched over with his hands limp in his lap. He always hunched. He had an irrational fear that he'd give himself a permanent lump where his spine met his neck.

But Ronan's words were finally making Adam think about it. Or _It_ , as it sometimes felt like a bigger kind of thing that deserved quiet reverence. He avoided thinking about him and Blue as much as he could, but now it was open, and Adam was starting to really wonder: did he ever care? It _had_ bothered him at first to see how close Blue was with Gansey, to see how easy it was for them to gently touch at each other, to stand a little too close, to just be...together. In any sense of the word. It boiled his blood, it made his hands clench, made his chest heave. But it hadn't for a while.

In fact that kind of jealous anger had only lasted for so long. He wasn't really sure when it stopped bothering him. He just woke up one day and went about the whole Glendower business without a care in the world. He didn't care how Blue looked at Gansey in the rearview mirror of the Camaro, didn't care when Gansey kept her from tripping through the woods by being close enough to catch her arm. Adam didn't even care when they wandered off together sometimes and left him and Ronan laying in the woods peacefully.

Actually, he sort of liked that peace. 

He sort of liked being left in Cabeswater with Ronan. After all, it was the two of them, and not Blue or Gansey, that had the best connection with the magic woods. Even if they didn't say a word, even if they just lay there listening to the trees blowing in the wind, somehow it was nice.

Was that when Adam had truly decided he didn't care? When he realized there were so many other things that were so much bigger than Gansey and Blue and Adam? When he'd been looking at Ronan's profile as he lay in the moss, Chainsaw on his chest absently picking at his shirt?

Adam shook his head free of that thought. He looked at Ronan now, sitting there silent as the grave, staring far away into the nothingness Monmouth's corners sometimes seemed like. But then he opened his mouth. "You know you can do better anyway," Ronan almost mumbled.

Adam instantly frowned. "Ronan, what the fuck," he hissed.

"What?" Ronan defended. "I'm just saying."

"Don't be such a shitbag, Jesus," Adam scolded. "Blue...Blue is your friend," he whispered, leaning across the little space between them. Ronan had melted the end of the candle and stuck it to the floorboards, and Adam felt the heat of it on his face. "Don't be such an asshole."

"Alright, calm down, Henrietta," Ronan said, raising a hand in mock defence. Adam glowered at him as best as Adam  _could_ glower at the King of Glares, but Ronan was just looking away from him as if he hadn't insulted Blue. As if he hadn't oddly attempted to compliment Adam.

Adam opened his mouth to say something, anything to break the silence, but Blue's footsteps pattered back towards them and she sat in a huff on Adam's left side. "I think Noah might be scared of the storm," she said, another rumble of thunder punctuating her words. "He's not showing himself."

"Can you feel him at all?" Adam asked. "You can do that, right?"

"Sort of," Blue shrugged. She was keeping her eyes on the melty candle in the centre of their almost-circle, and Adam thought he saw something twinkling on her lashes.

"Might be best if he keeps to himself," Gansey said, waltzing back into the room with his usually calm but practiced gait. He sat between Adam and Ronan and gave a little sigh. "No offense to the poor boy, that is."

"Quite right, old sport," Ronan mumbled. He reached forward and ran one of his fingertips through the candle flame, and for some reason it made Adam uncomfortable. Anything that reminded Adam of Ronan's subtle but constant death wish had made him uncomfortable the past little while. Ronan's driving, Ronan's swearing, his desire to fight anything with a pulse, and even somethings that lacked one...

"Would you stop trying to set yourself on fire?" Adam snapped.

"Should I try doing it to you then?" Ronan challenged, looking up through his dark lashes at Adam as they faced off across from each other.

"Try being the key word," Adam grumbled.

"Is that a challenge?" Ronan almost purred.

"Would you two stop?" Gansey said, looking between them like a scolding parent. "Why are you snapping? Does the dark just turn everyone into imbeciles?"

Ronan frowned at him. "Counting yourself in on that question, Gansey?"

Gansey rolled his eyes and looked away, but Adam was fairly sure Ronan had somehow pinched a nerve. Something had happened in the kitchen. That wasn't hard for Adam to notice, and while he was looking back and forth between Gansey and Blue's quiet faces, he noticed Ronan watching him. He often noticed Ronan watching him, but whether Ronan knew that _Adam_ knew, he wasn't sure. Adam just shrugged his shoulders quietly at Ronan's narrow-eyed stare, and then Blue gave a little gasp.

"Oh! Noah, there you are," she said, smiling towards where Noah stood by the door. He was staring into the rafters, turning around a bit as he looked up to the flashlight beams. "You can come sit with us if..." Blue trailed off, and Adam watched as her face changed from a soft joyfulness to absolute horror. "Oh God," she breathed. "God."

Blue launched to her feet, and as if tethered to her movements, everyone else did too. "What is it?" Gansey asked, at Blue's side in an instant. "What's wrong?"

They formed a strange half circle around Noah, but Blue moved them all back. "You haven't seen this?" she asked, panic filling her face and making Adam's heart hammer. She looked around at all of their blank expressions as Noah seemed to walk through a strange routine, as if they weren't there. As if  _he_ weren't. Blue turned to look at Noah as he spun and held his hands up. "It's his death scene," she said, miserable and afraid, but still far too blasé about it.

"You've seen this before?" Ronan asked, but before Blue could answer, Noah's ghostly form mimed a blow to the head. The sound that came out of his mouth was pure pain and horror, and everyone jumped back a bit.

"Jesus fuck!" Ronan shouted, watching as Noah fell to the floor.

Adam watched, just out of his peripheral vision, as Gansey reached out and took Blue's shoulders in his hands. He pulled her back against him, and Adam felt just a brief pang of annoyance in this terrible event, but then an arm was across his chest.

Ronan pushed him back, but also pushed him close as Noah convulsed on the floor. Blue covered her face and turned her head away, flinching with each grunting noise of agony Noah gave off, but Adam just stared at the horror while feeling heat rise in his chest and in his face. Noah stopped jerking, but he lay there barely breathing, struggling for life, as Ronan kept his arm across Adam's body.

He'd done this before. Adam told himself that Noah had done this before, but also that Ronan had. If he slammed on the breaks in the BMW, sometimes Ronan would shoot a hand out across Adam for the briefest of moments before continuing on. He'd stop Adam with a hand on his shoulder from walking into traffic if Adam was particularly tired. He even kept Adam from bumping into people when he had his nose in a textbook before a test.

It was protection. It was an ease of touch he never really thought about, but standing here, watching Noah die, watching Gansey hold Blue just a bit too tight, Adam realized Ronan's arm was the exact same motion. The exact same casual touch that Adam had watched Gansey and Blue explore and accept with each other...

And then Noah died. The light, or something like it, left his eyes and his body went limp. He stopped struggling, stopped breathing, and just lay there. Dead. Dead like he should be, like he really  _was_ , but dead to them. Something he'd never truly been.

And then he was gone. Adam hated to admit that it felt like a relief to see only empty space instead of Noah's crumpled form.

"Jesus Christ," Gansey breathed as Blue shook her head.

"He's fucking done that before?" Ronan asked, shooting a look at Blue as if it were her fault, his arm still across Adam's chest.

"I can't believe you haven't seen it," Blue said. "I've seen it at least five times."

"Fuck," Ronan said. He only dropped his arm away when Gansey let go of Blue's shoulders. "That's some heavy shit."

"What is?"

They all spun at Noah's voice, calm and bright and casual behind them. He stood, fair-haired and smudgy, with his hands in his pockets and his eyes wide and innocent. Adam was fairly sure he could feel all their hearts pounding in their ears.

"What?" Noah asked as they all stared.

"The fuck, man," Ronan said, anger his only real way of expressing his horror. Adam could see how wide his eyes were though, no matter how sharp his voice was.

Blue said quietly, "He doesn't know." She moved forward and wrapped her arms around Noah, who _oof'd_ at the sudden force of Blue throwing herself at him. He slowly let a hand fold around her.

"But I'm cold," he said.

"I know," Blue replied. "But I don't want you to forget what hugs feel like, okay?"

Adam had a hard time looking at Noah's face, and he felt a little ashamed.

"Okay," Noah mumbled as Blue let go. She ruffled his hair and he poked at her spiky tufts and everyone tried to remember how to breathe.

The storm outside flashed and rumbled once more, and Adam tried to recall if the rain had been raging the entire time Noah mimed out his death. He ran his fingers through his hair, and when he lowered his hand his elbow brushed Ronan's arm. They were standing close enough that Adam could feel the heat coming off Ronan's tall shape, and in the darkness Adam felt himself almost leaning closer, as if it were allowed. As if, without light, without the kind of watchful eyes a bright day seemed to display, it would be alright to just...

Adam sighed and stepped away. "I've never wanted electricity more than I do right now," he admitted.

"A-fucking-men to that," Ronan agreed. He pointed at the oblivious Noah. "I said no spooky shit, man."

"I'm sorry," Noah said, though he didn't know what he was apologizing for.

That made everyone feel guilty, and Gansey stepped forward and clapped his hand on Noah's shoulder. "Just stay physical, hm? If you can?"

"You can use me," Blue told Noah, making him smile a bit.

"I just don't really like storms," Noah admitted, and the sheepish little tilt of his head made Blue hug him again.


	3. Chapter 3

Blue kept Noah next to her, constantly looking over at him, regularly checking that he was still there. Every time he flinched at the sound of thunder or the flash of a bolt of lightning, Blue seemed almost ready to grab him. As if her hands on him would keep him from fading. No one really wanted him to vanish again. In the dark, with the storm still going on and on outside, everyone wasn't too keen on having a ghost in the wind.

If they could see Noah, if they could touch him and talk to him, he was real. He wasn't a variable that might come out of nowhere and scare them all to death. When Blue guiltily explained how she wanted Noah to stay physical because of that exact reason, he pouted a bit but understood.

"I don't mean to scare you guys," he said a little sadly.

"We know, Noah, it's alright," Gansey said. "I think the atmosphere is just making us all a little uncomfortable. It's not entirely your fault."

"It's not his fault at all," Blue corrected, making Gansey bite his lips.

"Yes, of course, you're right," Gansey nodded. He smiled tightly at Noah. "It's not your fault at all."

"This shit isn't letting up," Ronan announced from where he stood at the window. Adam was across the room, sitting on the edge of Gansey's bed, hands between his knees and eyes...eyes on Ronan. Why, he wasn't sure, but there was something about Ronan's broad back that stood like a beacon in the dark room. 

"We still have time," Gansey said, looking at Blue as if Ronan had been thinking the same thing. Getting her home seemed to be the only thing Gansey was focused on, but Adam's stomach rumbled.

"Agreed," Ronan said, turning around and smirking just gently as Adam crossed his arms over his midsection.

"I don't think there's much in the way of edibles in the kitchen," Gansey admitted with a frown. "I should really be more prepared for situations like this."

"You're just bad at being prepared for  _realistic_ situations," Blue joked, making Noah smile. He seemed so sweetly happy to be at her side, to be her friend, to receive her grins.

"Since when does  _realism_ come up in our fucked up worlds?" Ronan wondered.

Adam actually chuckled. "Things needed to find a Welsh King, check," he smirked. "Sustenance in the kitchen, thrown by the wayside."

Ronan groaned and glared out at the dark and rainy evening that blanketed Henrietta. "There's a corner store," he said, marching away from the window with determined strides and grabbing his jacket. "I'm doing it."

"You are absolutely not driving in this," Gansey said.

"I won't, Mother," Ronan said, shrugging his coat on. Adam was standing for some reason. "I'll run. Get something to tide us over."

"That's if the corner store is even open," Adam noted, gaining Ronan's eyes and feeling a little uncomfortable in his gaze. For some reason he could still feel Ronan's arm across his chest, and it was sparking a lot of other distant memories. Donuts in the parking lot, being dragged around on a dolly behind the BMW, always with Ronan. Always just Adam and Ronan.

"Power's out, they may have locked up," Blue nodded.

"Well a lot of good maybes are gonna do," Ronan said. "I'll be the brave one as usual and go check."

Adam scoffed and got a gentle little grin from Blue.

"Can I come?" Noah asked. "I like the corner store."

Adam frowned at him and spoke because no one else would. "I think it might be smarter for you to stay with Blue," Adam said, and although Noah was a little disappointed he clearly wasn't against that.

"Or at least stay here in general," Ronan added. He gave a little mocking salute and made for the door.

Gansey immediately looked at Adam.  _Good idea? Bad idea?_ Gansey didn't have to speak the soft bit of worry in his eyes, and Adam didn't need to really give his opinion. "I'll go with him," Adam said, walking to where his own jacket was flung on the floor.

"You don't have to," Blue said, a little nervous lilt to her voice as she watched Adam go.

Adam wasn't about to overthink that. He just shrugged and yanked his coat on as Ronan pulled the door aside and let the sound of the storm echo in. "He might need a leash, right?" Adam smirked.

"Fuck you, Parrish!" Ronan yelled, and Adam just shook his head as he bounded down the stairs and threw himself into the storm.

The rain, as if to spite them, decided to come on even harder. The moment Adam and Ronan left Monmouth it seemed to enrage the beastly clouds above and make the rain fall like a strong shower. "Son of a bitch!" Ronan called over the downpour, speed walking across the parking lot as Adam tried to keep up. He pulled his coat over his head as if that would help, but Ronan just ploughed through it.

They were both drenched in seconds.

"This is stupid!" Adam roared as they got to the sidewalk, the corner store seeming far too distant in the thick drops. Lightning flashed, and luckily the thunder came a little shortly after. The storm was moving off, but that didn't help them now. "They're probably closed!"

"Don't be a chicken shit, come on!" Ronan yelled, and he took off at a run. Adam swore but he followed him all the same, lagging behind, watching as Ronan's coat bounced around his hips. When they finally reached the drawn in awning of the shop, Ronan yanked the door so hard that the whole storefront seemed to shake. It was locked. "Oh for fuck's sake!" Ronan yelled, pressing his face against the glass to see inside. It was dark, but Adam could see the aisles full of chips and candy bars and emergency grocery essentials.

Ronan slammed a hand on the glass and banged a few times. 

Adam reached out blindly and grabbed Ronan's arm. "You're gonna break the glass!" he shouted, but a figure appeared in the window and stared at the two rain-soaked boys. The woman was a little older, a little skeptical, but Adam gave a wave with his free hand and tried to make his wet face seem trustworthy. Ronan would never be able to look like anything but a pit bull without a muzzle.

She stepped forward a bit and yelled at them through the glass. "Power's out!" her muffled voice rang.

"We fucking know!" Ronan yelled back, and Adam lifted his hand and covered Ronan's mouth. To his surprise, Ronan only silently fumed instead of jerked away, and Adam could feel how shockingly soft Ronan's thin mouth was on his calloused palm.

"We know, ma'am," Adam shouted over the rain, through the glass barrier between them and the shop owner. "We were just hoping to grab a few things, we swear! That is grab and pay for them, ma'am."

She looked at Adam and almost smiled, then looked at the still fuming Ronan and hesitated. But at last she reached for the lock on the door and Adam and Ronan listened to it release. She pushed the door aside and let them rush in, Adam's hand slipping off Ronan's face but getting a brush of his sharp jaw. "Got no power on the machines," she warned in her Henrietta drawl. "So don't be trying to pay with a card."

"No ma'am," Adam said. "Thank you."

Ronan was already moving down the aisles and shaking the water off his jacket. Adam almost expected him to shake like a dog would, a full body shiver that freed him of most of the moisture. But he ran a hand through his damp buzzed hair and started loading chip bags and chocolate into his arms.

Adam just stood at the counter, trying to be nice, making the easiest of quiet chit chat with the nervous storeowner. What a storm this is! Yes, quite the sudden thing. Can't believe it set the power out. Yes ma'am, this is one hell of a downpour...Even as she grew more talkative, even as Adam felt her trust him more and more and fear for her store less and less, Adam just watched Ronan's head over the aisles. He was getting more than enough for everyone, which was considerate, and Adam wished he had the money to even think about being that thoughtful. If thoughtful was a word he could use to describe Ronan.

But he felt the ghost of Ronan's arm on his chest again, and he realized that in his own rude and sharp way, Ronan was thoughtful. His bark was absolutely worse than his bite, at least when it came to people he didn't despise. Adam couldn't imagine Ronan ever swinging a fist at him, or Gansey, and even though Blue liked to swat at him just as the rest of them did, Ronan never hit back. He shoved, he poked, he mussed hair, but he didn't punch. Adam himself had punched Ronan in the arm more times than he could count, and it suddenly made him feel a little cruel.

"You got arms, Parrish, you gonna fucking help or what?" Ronan called, making Adam roll his eyes. 

"My word," the shop owner breathed.

Adam gave her his best southern smile. "He doesn't like getting wet. Kind of like a cat."

"Mmhmm," the woman noted as Adam sauntered off.

Ronan immediately shoved a box of cookies into Adam's arms, then added a bottle of Coke and a big bottle of water. "Is it the apocalypse or something?" Adam asked. His armload was already a fair amount, but Ronan had even more snacks held close to his chest.

"We all know how much you can eat, I wouldn't bitch if I were you," Ronan commented, grabbing one more specific bag of chips and tossing them at Adam. They were Adam's favourite. 

He caught it before it could fall to the floor and adjusted the bottles in his arms. "Yeah like you have such a delicate appetite," Adam grumbled, but Ronan wasn't wrong. If Adam was set loose on food, really set loose and not restricted by guilt or money, he could definitely clean out a pantry. It probably came from a life of constant hunger that he felt the need to eat as much as he could _when_ he could. 

"We have to run with all this, remember?" Adam noted as they walked to the cash register. The storm gave a loud, rumbling reminder.

"Good work out for you then," Ronan said, and he patted Adam's bicep casually as he unloaded his picks on the counter. "Hope you know the prices if you can't scan them," Ronan told the shop owner.

"Or you can just tell us what you'd take for it all," Adam said kindly, and Ronan scoffed.

The woman looked over all their items, checking bar codes here and there as if she knew by the numbers how much it all was. There was an awful lot of it, and Adam felt tension and nerves building in his stomach. He knew he only had about four dollars in his pocket right now, that would just barely buy one of those chip bags. "It'll be a bit over twenty," the woman said. "So let's just say that. Hard times and all," she smiled, looking out the window.

"Appreciate it," Adam said, his head reeling over the price. He dug into his pocket as Ronan did, but the taller boy was quicker. Ronan had a twenty dollar bill thrown onto the counter before Adam could even count his change. "Here, let me get something," Adam said.

Ronan pushed his hand away. "Forget it," he said, watching as the shop owner put their items into bags. 

"Ronan," Adam warned, his shoulders tensing. "Just let me.

"I said forget it, Parrish," Ronan said. "You heard her, right? Hard times." He grinned at Adam but all Adam felt was a hot shame in his cheeks. He'd been getting used to dealing with his own meals, his own snacks, back at St. Agnes. Cornered and cooped up with all of them at Monmouth, he was painfully reminded that he was broke. And that Ronan was absolutely not.

Adam bit his lips as Ronan grabbed all the bags. "Would you at least let me get one thing? Just one?"

"Why?" Ronan snapped. "So you won't feel guilty over eating something? So you can just buy yours and eat that?"

Adam flushed with anger and embarrassment. The woman, bless her, was pretending to handle the cash drawer as Adam and Ronan faced off.

"You know you're not supposed to feel bad for eating," Ronan said. "It doesn't fucking matter who bought it for you, don't be such a shitbag. Let people do shit for you and grow up, man."

Ronan shoved past him to the door, waiting patiently, as Adam just stood frozen for a minute. What the fuck was that? He looked at the shop owner who looked at him through her lashes, and he gave her a nod. "Thanks again, ma'am."

"You be safe out there," she told Adam, coming around the counter to inevitably lock the door behind them.

Adam walked over to where Ronan waited, still a little wet and disheveled, and he briefly contemplated the impossibility that the damned storm hadn't calmed down. "Want me to take one of those?" Adam grumbled, gesturing to the bags in Ronan's hands.

"Nah," Ronan said, so easy, so unfazed by the words that still played in Adam's head. "Just get the doors like a good gentleman."

Adam rolled his eyes but he did exactly that, pushing the door open so Ronan could duck out, the jogging along behind as they raced back to Monmouth.

 


	4. Chapter 4

The door slammed, closing out the rain, closing out Ronan and Adam, and Gansey immediately started to fidget. He wasn't what one would describe as a nervous person, more like excitable or bubbling, but he drummed his fingers on his kneecap the moment the door was closed. It felt like a switch had been flipped, as if the moment Ronan and Adam were gone, Gansey couldn't remember the foolish bout of confidence he'd felt alone with Blue in the kitchen.

It was stupid, and now without needing to act innocent around the others, Gansey was fighting a blush.

Then he met Noah's eyes. He was staring at Gansey with a lightly playful, curious expression, and Gansey narrowed his eyes.  _What?_ he seemed to ask silently, and then Noah looked at Blue. She was staring out the window at the rain, sitting on the corner of Gansey's desk with Noah right beside her, but there was a little sly grin on his lips that made Gansey wonder how Noah had been when he was alive. When he looked back at Gansey, that slyness suggested far too much time with Ronan.

Gansey's heart stopped.  _Don't you dare_ , he thought, but in the next moment Noah was gone.

Gansey sprang to his feet for no reason, and Blue jumped. She noticed Noah's absence and quietly swore under her breath. Another example of Ronan rubbing off on the others. "Oh Noah!" she scolded the air. "Come back here!"

"It's fine," Gansey said, flustered but trying to hide it. "I'm sure he just got over excited by the storm. He knows now. He'll be alright."

Blue frowned and shook her head, turning back to the window as Gansey all but ghosted to her side. "It really is coming down out there," she said. "How long has it been?"

He checked his watch. "Nearly an hour." The windows were more like a waterfall that cascaded over the view of Henrietta. The smallest threat of light was starting to break through the thunder clouds, and slipping through the raindrops on the glass it made glowing little shapes cross Blue's skin. Her eyes were wide, magical, and she stared out through the rain dreamily. Gansey imagined her entire form, everything about this moment, done up with oils on a massive canvas. Blue's spiky tufts of hair and all.

She turned to catch his eye, and he instantly looked out the window. "I can't believe it hasn't stopped yet," he sputtered. "The proverbial cats and dogs is what this is. It was a good thing that we got back before this drowned us out. Can you imagine being out in this? Adam and Ronan are brave. And...it was a kind offer from Ronan to risk getting something to eat, don't you think?"

Blue was looking at him like he was everything and nothing, and she was smirking.

"What?" Gansey asked, feeling uselessly, hopelessly breathless under her stare.

Blue just shook her head and gave a small breathy laugh, making Gansey feel to all the world like something worthy of mockery, but then she snapped her head back up to his. "Do you have cards?" she asked.

Gansey blinked at her. "As in a deck of?" She nodded. "Most likely. Somewhere in my desk, I'm sure."

"Well find them," Blue told him, walking off to the candle that was melting in the centre of the room. "Oh great explorer."

He smirked a bit as she sat down in an indifferent lump by the light. She was in one of her makeshift dresses, a screaming blue colour, with her crocheted sweater and leggings. He knew that her eccentric attire was one of the reasons he was so taken by her. Her outside matched his inside. Gansey did as he was told and dug through his desk until he found a deck of playing cards that were slightly stained by  _something_ on one corner. He sat across from her and handed out the deck. 

"These are shockingly un-Gansey," Blue smiled as she slid the cards from their sheath. The stain was horribly worse once they were free from the cardboard cover. She started to shuffle them as Gansey felt like a child sitting on the floor.

"I'm not exactly adept at card games," Gansey admitted. It was true. Ronan told him he had a horrible poker face. 

"Well this one is easy," Blue told him, splitting the deck into two even piles. "You take one pile and I take the other. We place cards down, one after the other, until two match. When they match, you have to slap your hand down as fast as you can. Whoever hits the pile last has to take the cards, and whoever runs out of cards first is the winner."

Gansey was screwing up his face a bit at that. "Sounds a bit barbaric," he mumbled, but Blue just raised a brow at him and put down a card. It was a King, and Gansey gave a little sigh and put down one from his deck. Queen. Something in him shifted at that, but Blue didn't pause as she laid down another card. Three. Then Gansey laid a two, then it went on a bit faster. Four, seven, jack, ace, eight, eight...

Blue slammed her hand down on the pile so fast that Gansey actually flinched back. She laughed at him. "You didn't even move!" she said, taking her hand away after shoving the deck towards him.

He frowned. "You would have broken my hand if I'd even tried," he said, but there was a smile playing on his lips, even as he added the cards to his hand. He looked up to catch Blue's eyes, and the challenge he saw there was oddly exhilarating. "Alright, who starts now?"

"You," she said.

He put down a two, and she covered it with a five. Ace, jack, two, seven, six, eight, ten, ace, queen, queen...

Gansey slammed his hand down, grinning ear to ear, but Blue's fingers followed half a second after. And Gansey froze. Her hand overtop of his was a sight he'd never seen, and his eyes took in the moment like he absolutely had to recall the little marks on her fingers, the wrinkled skin at her knuckles, the slightly jagged edges of her fingernails. He needed to remember how her palm felt on his skin, the delicately thin skin of the back of his hand. His heart thudded behind his ribs, and when he finally looked away from the image he saw Blue staring at the same thing.

Then she looked up and their eyes locked. He now knew why she'd wanted to play this game. It was innocent, it was allowed. It was a card game that involved touching, they had no choice. It looked to Gansey like she was breathing a bit too hard, like perhaps she was having an asthma attack, but he realized he was doing the same. It was that moment by the Camaro all over again. It was the visions of their lips so close, his hand on her skin in intimate but somehow still innocent places.

Gansey felt himself leaning forward before he could overthink it.

Blue was frozen. "Don't," she breathed, but he wouldn't. Even in the moment, even needing to get closer to her, he still knew. Death was always there in the back of his head, waiting to terrify him in the night, waiting to cause moments of utter panic. But Blue wasn't death. She was  _life_. The epitome of it. He could never, ever be afraid of her.

So he brushed his nose across her collar bone and felt her sharp inhale. He closed his eyes, the skin under his polo shirt far too warm for the thin fabric, for the coolness of Monmouth in the evening. He could feel how tense she was, but Blue was craning her head to the side to give Gansey even more of her neck, more of her shoulder, and it was killing him.

"Is it any kind of kiss?" he breathed against her skin. The huff of her lungs made his body heat up again, waves of heat like the hottest of summers. "Can I...Can it be on another part?"

Blue gave a sigh that nearly shattered Gansey's self control. "We shouldn't risk it," she barely whispered. Somehow she still had her hand over his.

Gansey squeezed his eyes tight for a moment, debating, debating, debating...In the end, he put his head down on her shoulder and slumped a little closer. In the slowest most cautious of movements, she brought up her free hand and put it on his back. He nuzzled his face a little closer and felt Blue put her cheek on the top of his head, and as the rain poured and the thunder rumbled, they sat like that in a sad, beautiful mess of defeat.

And then, right beside them, Noah's voice warning, "They're back."

Gansey pulled away with a jump, his heart still beating far too fast, Blue's eyes far too wide, and the sudden severed connection stung. The door opened, Ronan was bitching about something, and before they mounted the steps Blue reached forward and gave Gansey's jaw one quick stroke. He looked at her, broken, and she tried to compose her features.

It was somewhat easily done after Ronan threw his wet jacket onto Gansey's head.

Adam laughed. "Childish," Gansey said, voice muffled from under the fabric, and he reached up and pulled the coat off his head. It had messed his hair around a bit, and Blue had a hand over her mouth.

Noah appeared and prodded at Gansey's newly mussed hair as Ronan dropped bags of junk on the floor. "Now it's like Blue's," he smiled, and Gansey glowered at him. 

"What you you guys playing?" Adam asked, sitting cross legged on the floor beside Gansey. Ronan sat on his other side next to Blue and busted open a bag of chips.

"Slap Jack," Blue said. "Best played with two, but we can work something out."

"Or we play poker and make easy money of Gansey," Ronan suggested, crunching another chip and catching Adam's stare.

They feasted on all the crap Ronan had bought, Gansey noticing every now and then when Ronan purposefully handed a bag or a bottle to Adam. Blue favoured the little box of cookies Ronan had picked up, while Gansey sampled a little bit of everything. He and Blue were uncharacteristically silent, but Adam and Ronan made up for the quiet with constant jokes and razzes made at the expense of the other. It got to a point where Gansey started watching them with furrowed brows. If he didn't know better, he'd say that the two of them were...well they couldn't  _really_ be...

"What's that look?" Ronan asked through a mouthful of cookie.

Gansey peered between Adam and Ronan for a moment then shook his head. "I just can't recall a time where the two of you weren't trying to murder each other."

"Or are you just surprised Ronan can be anything close to civil?" Blue smirked.

"Everyone likes everyone else," Noah said before Ronan could retort. They all turned to him, sitting quietly by, having gone almost totally unnoticed until this moment.

A disturbingly weighted silence passed. "Well we're all friends," Adam said, eying the group warily. Gansey could see Adam was still a little skeptical over Noah and the storm. "We like you too, Noah."

Noah shook his head. "Not in the same way. I'm on the outside."

Blue frowned. "Don't say that," she said, reaching out to put a hand on his cold shoulder.

Noah sighed and looked around the circle at each face individually. "You don't understand," he said almost sadly, almost annoyed. There was a hint of frustration there that Gansey couldn't quite understand, like he was tired of something. "You don't understand," Noah said again. "Or you do, but just not quite yet."

"Wanna try that again, Riddler?" Ronan said sharply, but Noah vanished and left them all with an oddly guilty, nervous sensation in their chests.

Blue looked at Gansey when he wasn't looking at her. Ronan kept his gaze on the floorboards even when he felt Adam's eyes twitch to his face. Gansey watched Blue's fingers fumble for another cookie. Adam chewed his lips as Ronan threw him the fastest of glances.

"Rain seems to be letting up," Blue finally said.

Everyone gave varying grunting sounds of acknowledgement, but no one really looked out the window.


End file.
